Sunday, May 8, 2011

Christina Aguilera Bad Year

  • THE DIVORCE FROM HER BOY-NEXT-DOOR (October 2010)
   A very Diirty-esque Christina Aguilera met Jordan Bratman,  a no-name music executive for her management team, in 2002. Jordan proposed to her amidst rose petals and self-written poems in 2005, and later that year they got married in a sunset wedding under a tent on an exclusive Napa Valley vineyard. Fast forward five years: Christina filed for divorce in October of 2010, just two days after announcing their separation. 

   She said about the split:
"Things were so unhealthy and unhappy for both Jordan and me, I knew I had to end it. I really didn't want to hurt Jordan, and I felt torn about splitting our family up."
    They had son Max together in 2008.

  • BOX OFFICE FAIL (November 2010)
   When Christina signed up for Burlesque, a musical film inspired by the early 1900s cabaret dancing, the Old Hollywood singer seemed like the shoe-in choice. Her artistic abilities shone forefront in the movie, but couldn't pick up enough steam to get the flick out of its pretty rotten critic reviews.  
    Christina was  nominated for Worst Actress at the Razzie Awards, so maybe her talent does expire at her powerful voice and hip shaking. But it was an aesthetically mesmerizing spectacle, what with all those feathers, garters and cabaret bright lights.

  • FLUBS NATIONAL ANTHEM AT SUPER BOWL (February 2011)
   Christina was given one of the highest honors in modern musical pop culture: to sing the National Anthem on Super Bowl Sunday. Maybe knowing $100 million eyes were turned to her got to Christina's nerves. 

   At the line which is supposed to follow: "O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming," she sang an earlier line from the song: "What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's last gleaming." So she flubbed. 
   But of course everyone had a field day and a half with it, and about two months later she addressed it with some realism on Ellen DeGeneres
"I took in the moment a little bit too much. Shoot me for appreciating the moment, but here I am at the Super Bowl ... singing for a team and in front of the world." She said.

  • STUMBLES AT GRAMMYS (February 2011)
Another big honor gone wrong: Christina Aguilera took the Grammys stage with some powerhouse female vocalists, including Florence Welch and Jennifer Hudson,  belted her heart out...and then almost ate s**t on the stage.

  • GETS ARRESTED FOR BEING DRUNK (March 2011)
   So she threw back a few too many -- the girls getting over a divorce and having fun with her new boy toy -- and she gets arrested. Only in Hollywood, where a drunk arrest means lots of photo ops and great material for the media, does it carry this kind of inertia. But to be fair, her drunk boyfriend was driving her around and did get a DUI. So maybe that much more serious safety threat spurred all the whispers. 

   The police spokesman said Christina was "not capable of taking care of herself. She was incapacitated. She was cooperative. She was not belligerent in any way whatsoever. She was just intoxicated." The singer apparently had to just sit around at the police station for four hours to sober up and then a friend picked her up.
   
After the predictable criticisms post-arrest, Christina opened up about her tough year:
"It's a life-uprooting time and there have been hiccups along the way that unfortunately the whole world gets to witness and judge. I can laugh about my own hiccups and my own experiences in life because I'm getting through it."

  • Weight Gain 
   Xina was stick thin back in her "Genie in a Bottle" days, and people are having trouble embracing her new curves -- going as far as to call her "fat," when she's probably a size 4. 

    There's lots of speculation: Is it the divorce? All the drinking? Is she eating away her feelings? We'll confidently say it's a combination of the aforementioned, but also add it's perfectly fine when a 30-year-old puts on a few curves. It's called womanhood, haters.

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